Black Girl Skin: What's The Deal?

There are alot of unbelievable things happening in 2011. Folks still trying crack for the first time, folks still eating pork, folks taking up smoking, and Black folks are still internally color-disoriented. Mesmerized by an empty standard of beauty that blatantly excludes us. So, what began as an open letter to the brothers on my region of the planet, has quickly turned into a commentary to my fellow darker-hued sisters.

When Psychology Today allowed a (so-called)noted Japanese psychologist to publish his latest "research" on the idea that Black women aren't as attractive as other women. Okay so it's not enough that we can be publicly maligned, by others; but we also now have to face the unearthing of our childhood insignificance, too?  If I didn't know any better, I would think that there was some type of conspiracy against Black women. I know I'm not the only one who has taken notice of this old-new phenomena. Just straight-up attacks on Black womanhood. What's the deal with that?

Enter the great Bill Duke and his documentary trailer for "Dark Girls", to get us really facing the depths of our self worth. I'd seen the post like twenty times on many of my Facebook friends' pages. I saved it to my phone to watch later. I actually failed at watching it on the train. So when I finally sat still to watch it, I  thought, okay this is going to be yet another opportunity for me 'to feel a way' about who I am. I must say I was not prepared for the hailstorm of feelings that came with my second viewing. I wasn't sure. I couldn't reconcile whether it was empathy I was feeling for these sisters or if I was connecting to a feeling I had pushed so deep inside that I couldn't recall the details. I wasn't sure if I needed to be reminded how my skin is/was the bain and at the same time envy of the lighter-hued world around me. I certainly wasn't clear as to why I felt the need to share my two-cents, other than it being too necessary.

Now there are many ways I can share my perspective, I will begin with the fact that for 25 years the affirmation of my Africaness has been my cloak of comfort and safety. The deeper I became immersed in African culture and spirituality, the more clear I became of a full spectrum of beauty...that included me! I can talk about being the mother of a dark child and my battle to keep her on a firm foundation about HER BEAUTY. I assert that in her Disney-tized childhood, that she is beautiful in spite of the lack of brown girl faces on her favorite shows. I make sure that I affirm how brilliant and beautiful, thoughtful and funny, strong and sensitive she is and that those qualities are more important than who has the best or most clothes or prettiest hair. I can tell of the numerous occasions as a child, that I was called ugly or that my hair was "too nappy" or that the gap in my teeth was so big because I was a liar. As the women in the trailer made me recall, I can talk about trying to pinch my nose to make it smaller, because someone said my nose was too flat. I can show you how, although I thought it was beautiful on other people, I closed the gap in my teeth with rubber bands. I can also tell of a loving father who told me, "Ain't no ugly Black folks". How I was not allowed to say those kinds of things in his presence...ever.

I won't get into how I was made to feel bad about what God gave me. How I should be ashamed of what came naturally or the feeling of not being cared about or loved, because of my black skin.  Or how I should resent every person who ever said some foulness to me about MY BEAUTY.  I refuse to entertain any of those things, simply because I have rid myself of the disease. I have had way more practice in affirming what I love and am comfortable with about MY BEAUTY, than I had of a childhood of not fully affirming it.

They say it takes an average of 66 days to form a habit, so I say to my D.H sisters if that notion is true, then you have three months to begin to undo some of the damage of a childhood riddled with negativity. How old were you when you stopped hearing those derogatory remarks? Or began to ignore them? Or how old were you when you started to feel differently about YOUR BEAUTY? Now subtract your current age by the age you were when your concept of beauty began to change.  Look at the two numbers, does the higher number represent your childhood or your adult life? Make your own assessment of which you've had more practice living with and decide which you one you'd like to continue living with.

Suggestions:

• simply begin with looking in the mirror everyday and saying out loud that you appreciate that face and that nose, those eyes, those ears, those lips, that skin, those teeth, that forehead etc.
• journal
• buy books of affirmations: (my favorites) You Can Heal Your Life (it has a companion workbook ) by Louise Hay; Acts Of Faith by Iyanla van Zant; Black Pearls by Eric Coppage
• Treat yourself often(massages, manicures, spa days, sauna retreats...you get the idea)
• When you're ready, talk to the offenders (in person, in a letter that you never mail, out loud in a role-play with your pilllows)
• Look at each day as a new day to make a fresh start and don't allow yesterday to take away from the BEAUTY of today
• Support the movie Dark Girls, make an event of it with your girlfriends, cry with them, heal together, discuss it, make a play about it, start a support group from it, write a song about it

 Meditate on how that new habit of daily affirmations of YOUR BEAUTY are going to be formulated.