You Got A Friend?



Irene Bdou Photography 2007



Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.

The past month and some change has really made me think about friends and friendships and the importance of having someone I can call friend. It has taken me a while to finish this post because, emotions have gotten the better of me. It looks like I have a lot of friends. I think I do have a lot of genuine friends. I don't and can't base it off of the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook, although I can say a great deal of those are 'real' associations with the potential of a great friendship. I was recently challenged (I think that is my word & work for 2012) to examine my friendships and associations. In just these few weeks of 2012, I have witnessed death in a life-long friendship, the death of a friendship, the revelation of a frenemy and the compromising of a really close friend relation. By default I was forced to look at how we maintain lasting relationships and what we go through to fight for these friendships or our choice to let them go. 

My mom's best friend of over 50 years passed away, from a long-term illness. My Ma was crushed, it was like a piece of her very soul died too. They have been friends since 'before babies', my oldest sister is 52! And I think I am saying or doing something, now that I can say I have been friends with so and so for 15 years. Chile please! To be a BFF for 50-something years...now that's a long time! I haven't experienced anything for that many years yet. Imagine the Thelma & Louise adventures of the 60's and 70's, these two must've had!  I am fortunate for this kind of example. It makes me cherish the close bonds I do have with my sistahrs and brotha-stahrs.

I was talking to someone recently, who said that they couldn't say that they have one friend. Huh?? I can't imagine that type of loneliness. I have to have some folks to bounce things off of, and someone to check my whackness when necessary. (just like family!)  There are just some things you can't (or don't need) to share with your own family, ahhh but with a close friend you don't get the same judgement, embarassment and constant reminders. If I didn't have 'my friend folk' I'm not sure where I'd be. Over the years I have managed to acquire a number of extended family members, yeah so...once I claim you as my sister or brother, it's a wrap. No matter what, we each have permission to speak our minds regardless of how long either wants try to be mad or not speak. We'se family now, bond unbreakable.

IT IS SAID THAT LOVE IS BLIND. FRIENDSHIP, HOWEVER, IS CLAIRVOYANT. -PHILLIPE SOUPAULT

I am glad for the relationships I have been privileged to share with the myriad of spirits I continue to encounter. It has allowed me to become a better friend. Yeah some folks are only meant to be with you for a short time and others are for a lifetime. I do get weepy when I think of some friends who aren't here on this plane. Their spirits enliven me when I reminisce on conversations, jokes, tears, fights, lost and found loves and my fortune of having crossed paths and shared with them. I guess I am fortunate in that, I am loyal to a fault, I love deeply and unconditionally, so I sometimes attract unlikely alliances whose spirits are just hungry for unconditional love. Its hard to see and some don't want to allow it to show, but I try to see the god in everyone.

   

If there is one thing I could say to each and every one of my friends old and new, brotha-stahrs, sistahrs, BFFs, acquaintances, deep loves, cyclical relations, and frenemies alike; it would be GIVE THANKS for allowing me a chance: to hang witchu, to dance a jig witchu, to share a bear hug, to get my drank on, to do a 5th grade girl pose in your picture, to share a spliff or other confection, to break bread, to fight on your behalf, to cuss like I like to, to laugh loud-deep-long belly laughs, to igg you for some days cause "I didn't like the (true)shit you said", to have a Rodney King 'party', to cop some of your flyness, to learn what forgiveness is, to share the real witchu, to live witchu, to become a better listener, to have your back and know you had mine, to watch daughters of the dust 3,000 x's and you not slap me, to use you as my muse, to see my own light in your reflection, to bump my head and tell me I told you so, to beatbox in your cypher, to free up without judgement, to travel witchu,  to be the face on your t-shirt, to sang a song, to fall asleep on the phone, to push through the bad times, to be a jackass and revel in it, to 'fight the power' witchu, to be the party girl, to see the real you, to meet your grandmamma, to borrow your favorite___, to be welcomed into your family, to be the only ones in the rasta party with a beer and hot pants, to practice my mothering by being an auntie first, to be a student and you the teacher, to dream and scheme witchu, to hear you say that 'nggh' aint shit, to have near-death moments and laugh later, to sit on the porch swing like old folk used to do, to just be....and so much more!

What's your definition of friend? How do you make new friends? Cherish those friends near and far, practice forgiveness(often), no day is promised to us...be the bigger person. Go buy some stationary and WRITE a letter to two friends you haven't seen in years. Find their addresses, make some time to do it. Call the one you vowed never to speak to again and remember why you became friends in the first place. We have unbelievable access now, we can find our friend from 2nd grade that moved away and actually talk to them. Organize a grade-school meet-up when you go to your hometown for a visit.  No excuses!  

Give the god in me a chance to see the god in you...be a friend, and you gotta a friend!

Friendship Affirmations:

I will treat my friends as well as I treat myself.

When I see my friend, I see myself.

FRIENDS; AUGUST 19-20TH FOUND IN

ACTS OF FAITH BY IYANLA VANZANT, 1993.