Spare the Rod

Artwork by: Tatyana Fazlalizdeh

2 yr old boy walking down the street with Mom and sister and baby in the stroller. He did something to his sister, maybe step on the back of her shoe, dunno. Mom slaps him across the face. And accused him of doing it on purpose. I heard the loud crackle of her palm against his face from at least 10 feet away. I was mortified. I felt for him and it made me think and rethink the way I 'discipline' my own.

This is the story of countless little boys and girls, too young to understand whatever it was that they did wrong and far too young to decipher that a slap in the face was extreme. Manytimes internalizing it and grow up to be  brutes.(That's what we imagine anyway.)


I am not sure how I feel about 'sparing the rod', though. Sometimes I want to just beat my child, but that most times gives way to reasoning and discussion. I do have methods of discipline for her and just the mention of either of them I get a ready response. But generally I don't spank her.
But when I do...she has exhausted ALL chances for reasoning. Plus she is a fiesty, hard headed, stubborn little thing! I had to step back too, as she ran down the list of ways I 'punish' her to my friend. Hell I sounded like I was abusing this child! (thump on the lip and the ever present 'stick' threat be damned!)


So what do you do? Do you kill yourself to the point of exhaustion like our parents did? I remember my mother being tired, from whooping me and my brothers ass. Clearly I don't want to have a heart attack while beating my kids! But that's probably what could've happened, if she didn't say enough is enough with the beating of grown folks. I always said as a kid, that I would never whip my kids. However, when you have them and they start to exhibit unacceptable behavior; most of us forget that youthful promise. Plus once we recollect that thought, some of us have already instituted a 'method'.


I remember hearing stories when I was a kid, of other folks getting beatings with extension cords, shoes, sticks, bats and all kinds of  'first thing I can get my hands on' instruments of torture. I got switches and belts. My granny was the 'cherry switch' and that was major(in my mind). I couldn't figure out how this tiny little switch could inflict such pain on my little legs! As I look at my daughter and her reactions, I realize it was mostly high drama. Also "How could you spank meeeeyuh"? "I thought you loved me-ee-ee." At least that's what it felt like. Of course, reel it forward and my daughter has actually said it to me, verbatim! Go figure DNA.



My mother was the leather belt or strap, as old folks used to say. This lady raised 5 of her own kids plus, some of her siblings and other community folks children, while working 2 and 3 jobs and having a life, too. So when we was out of order, a rarity for me(snicker); she would weigh if she was going to kill us or not. Oftentimes she was too tired to beat our ass, except if we had taken our deeds to the heights of stupidity at school or in the neighborhood. In those other times she would torture us by not saying anything and letting us think we got away with something. Or as we thought, that god had answered our bathroom prayers. She even would have us stand on one foot holding the old BIG blue Webster's dictionary, for what seemed like hours! I remember one time she was nodding off while we were attempting this feat of torture.


When I do think about the effects various types of 'discipline' has
on the pysche of a child. I am thankful for the times when my mother was too tired and she called my dad. Yeah as I was starting to smell myself and doing some real 'ignant' ish, my Dad talked me off the ledge. In many ways I admire the way it was done, she called him to kill me, he talked to me. Only once did he actually hit me. Afterward, he was so sorry he hugged me up and apologized. Another time my granny told him to beat me, we staged a fake beating; he hitting the bed and me crying bloody murder. Both of us cracking up afterwards. My tears were from holding back the loud guffaws and laughs, so my granny wouldn't hear. Most of the time this is how I feel about whipping my daughter. I hurt too and can't hold back the laughter and/or the tears.


So....How will we raise them? Who are they growing to be? How will they mete out discipline for their own kids? Will we continue to use alternative ways to put the fear of god in them, so we don't have to whoop them? What effect will the talks or beatings have on future relationships? And is whipping them as some say, a "throwback from slavery"? What of this whipping society? How come in a society that was built on brutality and torture, is it child abuse to spank your child? Did you know that in Georgia it is still legal to give kids paddlings in school?

My Two Cents:

• breathe
• laugh
• remember who you were at their age
• ask yourself "is it necessary?"
• meditate with your children
• Talk-talk-Talk and talk again to your children, let them know they can come to you with anything
• don't be in denial of who your child really is and accept it(it's probably just a mini- you!)
• utilize affirmations with them to adjust their behavior patterns
• I use charts to highlight positive behaviors and discuss them
• allow them room to (sometimes) vent
• make sure they know that they are always loved and safe with you(no matter the behavior)
• and every now and then knock 'em out (just kidding!)

Here are somethings other have to say:

Spanking

 

Some alternatives...

 

Georgia Legal